Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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