Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I love having hate sex.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
