mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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