insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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