just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
