i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He shit in the fireplace
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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