she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
