Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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