Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
