my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
