She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
