Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Come see our sink grown plant.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
