Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
