remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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