I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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