My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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