i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
