Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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