Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
