remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Randomize
