I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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