it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
where are my eyebrows?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
