Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
