i would punch a child for taco bell
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
