Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
