guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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