so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
