So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
