just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
