she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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