escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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