she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
