i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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