and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
