i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We don't watch enough power rangers
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
