I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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