Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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