I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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