You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
