No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
