Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
