so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
