my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
