Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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