You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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