shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You're a waste of cheezeits
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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