I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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