i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You're earring is so big in my mouth
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
