He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
