mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
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haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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