Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
