When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
