How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
