morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
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The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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