The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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