why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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