Your mouth is God's brothel.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
