I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
