so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
