i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
