she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
