she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
