I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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