i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
honey bunches of taint.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
