one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
