I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
