can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
